Very Funny Jokes

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Friday, February 05, 2016

Cleared

Tom: Do you know Jake got murdered.
Jerry: Really? How did that happen?
Tom : His wife Mary assaulted him with a letter-opener. But she was cleared of all charges.
Jerry: Oh my God! How?
Tom: Mary convinced the Judge that Jake was junk male!

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.in

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Being honest

Joe was in the bar sipping whisky when his friend Alex joined him.

Alex asked him, "What's the matter Joe? You look a little flustered."

Joe replied, "Well, had a fight with the missus. And for what? For being honest."

Alex said, "Oh really. What happened?"

Joe answered, "Well, she asked me what she could do to enhance my libido and I said 'Get the hell out of town'."

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.in

Monday, February 01, 2016

Disoriented

Maria who worked as a secretary in a law firm, was walking down the passage. Mr. Russel, one of the partners of the firm noticed that she seemed to be a little disoriented. Her hair was messy, her clothes wrinkled, and worse, one of her b**bies was hanging out of the dress.

Shocked at the sight, Mr. Russel screamed, "Maria! Why on earth are you roaming around the hallway looking so disoriented, that too with your top exposed??!"

"Oh my God", said Maria as she put her hanging asset back into her dress, "It's those good-for-nothing interns! They always forget to put back things after they have used it!"

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.in

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Arts class homework

Art teacher : Show me your homework.

Titu : I am sorry but my dog feasted on it.

Art teacher : What? Wasn't your homework an abstract art to be made of pins & needles?

Titu : It was sir. My dog is in the hospital.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Active?

The country bum visited the gynac with his daughter.

There was a long queue in the clinic. Finally, they were called inside the doctor's cabin.

The gynac asked, "Well, what is the problem?"

The country bum replied, "Need to put her on birth control."

The gynac asked, "Is she active with the boys?"

The country bum replied, "Nah! She just lays there same way her mother does."

Monday, March 09, 2015

Newly weds argument

They were newly weds. While Tom wanted just one child, Tina wanted two children. There was a heated argument, and Tom decided to put an end to it. He said to Tina, "After we have our first child, I will get myself sterilized."

Tina was quick to fire back, "That's all right. I hope you will love the second one like your own."

Friday, March 06, 2015

Help with mathematics

Mr.Runwal wanted some clarifications in an Invoice that was given to him. He asked his secretary, Lily for help.
 
He said to her, "If I give you 45000 dollars less 12.36% service tax, how much would you take off?"

Lily promptly replied, "Everything but my necklace."