Very Funny Jokes

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Monday, December 22, 2014

Questions and answers

When my son Neel came home from school after appearing for his terminal exams, I asked him, "Well son, how did your exams go? Were the questions tough?"

Neel replied, "The questions were not all that tough. What gave me a fright were the answers."

Friday, December 19, 2014

The games we play!

When Daniel saw his son Sean hitting his little sister, he took Sean to a corner to reprimand him.

Daniel said, "How could you raise your hands on your little sister? You should be ashamed."

Sean replied, "Dad, we were playing Adam & Eve with an apple in the garden under the tree, the works. Instead of luring me with the apple, Tracy ate it herself."

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Preference

When Bunty set up a double date for himself and his friend Mark, he said, "Listen Mark, you get to choose first. Let me tell you about these girls. Nikki is kind of fat and not that good-looking, but when she goes down on a man, she gives the ultimate pleasure! Tina has amazing curves and a great pair of legs and she looks amazing when she wears high heels."

"Wait a minute", interrupted Mark, "I prefer head over heels anytime."

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Proud of my country!

I was visiting New York city when I met my friend Elaine Fu who was studying there. We were walking around Manhattan when Fu suddenly exclaimed, "I feel so proud of my country when I see all those flags fluttering!"

I said, "Hey Elaine, are you not Chinese? Why are you so proud of the American flags?"

"Haha", chuckled Elaine Fu. "Guess you did not notice the labels!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

One glove

Tommy, who was drunk, said to his friend at the bar, "Why are you wearing a glove only in one hand? Did you lose the other one?"
     
Bonnie, equally drunk, replied, "Nope buddy. I found one."

Monday, December 15, 2014

Perspective

Sara called her old friend Betty to chat. While discussing other things, the subject of their love life came up.

Sara asked Betty, "Did your husband John make love to you last night?"

Betty replied, "He did. But it was quite a disappointment. John came home from work, quickly finished his dinner, climbed on me, finished his business in no time, rolled over & dozed off. How was it with you?"

Sara sighed and said, "Oh, it was such a great evening. Peter came home from work. He then suggested we go out for dinner. It was so romantic! After dinner, we took a long time to walk back home. When we were back home, Peter lit many candles around the house. We indulged in several minutes of foreplay, and then he made love to me for a very long time. When we were done, we talked with each other way past midnight. It was like a dream night!"

While this conversation was going on, their husbands, John & Peter, also colleagues and good friends, were discussing the same topic.

Peter asked John, "So how did it go with your wife last night?"

John replied, "Oh, it was fantastic! When I reached home, dinner was ready. I ate, made love to Betty and went off to sleep. How was it with you?"

Peter replied, "It was terrible. I reached home only to discover there was no electricity as my bills were overdue. So there was no dinner. I had to take Sara out for dinner. The dinner turned out to be so expensive, we had to walk back home. I was so mad by then that I could not get it up for a long time. When I finally did, I couldn't get myself to release for a long time. When I finally did, I was so devastated, that I could not get sleep way past midnight."

Friday, December 12, 2014

Doctor Hopkin's treatment

Sandra visited Doctor Hopkins and said to him, "Doctor, my husband has started talking in his sleep. He gives me a scare in the middle of the night. Can you suggest some treatment?"

Good old Doctor Hopkins replied, "I think I know what the problem is. If you give him a chance to talk when he is awake, he might stop talking in his sleep!"