Very Funny Jokes

very funny jokes Welcome to Very Funny Jokes blog-Your blog for Good jokes, Short funny jokes & Jokes on Life.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Music conductor

Music conductor Claudio asked his friend, "Do you know the What's the difference between a conductor and a horse-carriage driver?"

He continued, "Let me tell you. The horse-carriage driver only has to look at two horses' behinds."

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Millionaire

Bobby: How can a wife help make her husband a millionaire?

Robbie : That's simple, he should be a billionaire!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Kitty

Jack was a salesman who often used to travel out of town for business. On one such trip, he was driving on a country road, when his car broke down. It was getting dark and he had nowhere to go, so he sought  shelter in a farmhouse across the road.

The owner of the farmhouse was a kind man, and he welcomed Jack inside to spend the night. He also promised to get his car repaired in the morning.

The owner said to Jack, "The only problem here is that we have very little room. So you can either sleep on the couch or share the spare bedroom with Kitty.

Jack was allergic to cats and he thought it would be a bad idea to sleep in a room with a cat in it, so he opted to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, Jack woke up to the sound of someone beating eggs in the kitchen. He went to the kitchen and found a gorgeous young girl in tight denim shorts. She said to him, "Hi. I am Kitty. Who are you?"

Jack replied, "I am a dim-witted dumb salesman who slept alone on the couch!!"

Monday, September 15, 2014

How to plan your retirement

Bill and Dave were discussing their retirement plans. With their impending retirement next summer, both of them were concerned about that they would be doing with their lives when they don't have to go to work anymore.

While Bill had lined up some hobbies which he wanted to pursue, Dave didn't have any and was wondering how to make use of his free time.

Bill said to Dave, "I have a suggestion. Why don't you go and visit the kids."

Dave replied, "I got only one kid.  But I could visit my bothers and sisters. That would keep me occupied for an entire year."

Bill asked, "A year??"

Dave said, "I have 15 brothers & sisters in my family."

Seeing Bill wide-eyed with surprise, Dave explained, "My mother could not hear properly. When my parents would go to bed at night, my Dad would ask my Mama, 'Do you want to go to sleep, or what?' and Mama would always say, 'What?'"

Friday, September 12, 2014

Perfect companion

Victor liked Petra ever since he had first seen her. He wanted to tell her how much he cared for her and wanted to spend the rest of his wife with her, but could not muster enough courage to share his feelings. One day he made up his mind to speak to her. Having found the oppotunity to talk to Petra, Victor said, "I have always loved being a bachelor, but in every man's life, there comes a time when he wants to settle down, when he looks for a companion who considers him perfect, who is always happy to see him, who treats him like a star, who will always be faithful to him, who will always follow him...."

Victor was happy to see Petra's face light up. She nodded her head and said, "I can understand your feelings...a dog will be the perfect match for you."

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Child soldier

This story was narrated to me by my friend, Anita.

Her 5-year-old son had watched some war movies and was moved by the valor of the soldier and their sense of sacrifice. The next day, he was seen sporting a camouflage dress, helmet, toy rifle and army boots. He played soldier for a while, then marched up to Anita and declared, "Mommy, I am on my way to fight the battle. If I do not come back, I want you to get married again."

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Crucial decision

Monty paid a visit to the doc for his annual check-up. When the reports arrived, the doctor said to Monty, "Well, you are a healthy chap. Everything seems to be in order. Do you have any questions that you would like to ask me?"

Monty said to the doc, "Yes. I would like to get myself sterilized."

The doctor looked at Monty and said, "That's a crucial decision. Have you spoken to your folks at home?"

Monty replied, "Yep, and they are eleven against two."