Very Funny Jokes

very funny jokes Welcome to Very Funny Jokes blog-Your blog for Good jokes, Short funny jokes & Jokes on Life.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Regular

Jack Rogers was tired of his workplace and was looking for a new job. He tried hard to shake off his image as a person who was not sincere to his work. But the harder he tried, the more it kept following him.

One day while in office, the phone was ringing, and because the receptionist was not around, he picked up the phone.

"Hello", said the caller, "I want to make an inquiry about a person called Jack Rogers. This is with regards to an opening in my company. Do you know this man?"

Smiling to himself, Jack replied, "Yes of course I know him."

The caller asked, "Is he regular with his work? Is he punctual?"

Jack replied with all honesty, "Well, I am not too regular myself, but whenever I am here, he is here."

Monday, July 28, 2014

The understanding

Nathalie, a pretty blonde visited her dentist as she was suffering from toothache since a long time. The dentist, Dr. Sanders examined her and said one tooth needed to be pulled out. Scared, but wanting to get rid of the pain, Nathalie agreed.

Dr. Sanders tried to calm her by saying it would not hurt at all and that she needed to relax. As soon as he picked up the drill to work on her, he felt a searing pain between his legs.

"Miss Nathalie", he groaned, "You are grabbing my testicles!"

"I know that", replied Nathalie."Just want to ensure we do not hurt each other!"

Eye doctor

You should have seen my dad's face when I took him to the eye doctor to operate on him for cataract. The doctor did everything he could to make him relax, but my dad's nervousness was at it's peak.

The doctor kept reassuring him. I also stood next to him if it gave him any consolation. It was what the doctor said after finishing with his first eye, that made my Dad jump! 

The good doctor said, "Well, only one eye left."

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Play with Coke

Arnie made friends with Daisy and asks her out on a date. Daisy agrees and they go bowling. After dinner at a nice restaurant, they go for a long drive. Arnie pulls over at a secluded area, where it is very dark. Soon, they are all over each other and when he tries to probe further, Daisy stops him telling him that she is a virgin and would prefer to maintain it that way.

Arnie says, "Okay, but do you mind taking it in your mouth?"

"No way!", says Daisy, "I can't do that!!"

So Arnie says, "Can you stroke it with your hands then?"

Daisy replies, "But I have never done that. I don't know what to do."

Arnie says, "Its quite simple. Remember how we would shake a coke bottle as kids and then spray it all over the place. That's all you gotta do.""

she takes his manhood in her hands and starts shaking it. Couple of minutes later, Arnie's head falls back, his eyes roll, liquid starts running out of his nose. He looks like a figure from Exorcist.

Daisy screams, "What happened?"

Arnie screams back,  "Remove your thumb off the top!"

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Get back

A newly married couple, Arun and Daisy, boarded a  train from Bombay to Delhi. They had Upper sleeper Berths on the opposite sides of the compartment.

At night, Arun was feeling romantic, so he whispered to Daisy, "Come across here my love."

Daisy asked, "How do I get over to your side?"

Arun replied, "Have something stiff here that you can take support of and come to my side."

An old man in the lower berth, who was not getting any sleep, commented, "How on earth is she gonna get back??"


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Bobby's story

Mrs. Clutterbuck, was teaching Grade 3 students. She said, "Do you know animals don't stutter like humans."

A small boy, known for being notorious, raised his hand.

"Yes, Bobby", said Mrs. Clutterbuck, bracing herself for an interesting story, "what do you have to say?"

Bobby replied, "I had a little kitten called Sammy. There was this Bull dog next door who didn't like Sammy."

Bobby continued, "One day Sammy was playing alone in the backyard, when the Bull dog jumped over the fence and entered our yard."

Mrs. Clutterbuck exclaimed, "Oh my god! What happened next?"

Bobby said, "I could see hair standing up on Sammy back and Sammy went 'Ffff! Ffff!' but before she could say 'Ffff off!', the Bull dog ate her."

Mrs. Clutterbuck didn't know where to go!    

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

It happened long ago

This is a story which goes back several hundred years.
Princess Tara was a gorgeous and free-willed girl who chanced upon a talking frog in a pond.

The frog said to Princess Tara, "I am not what you think I am. Once upon a time, I was a good-looking prince from a rich province. An evil sorceress cast a spell on me. If you kiss me, I will become a prince again. We can get married then, you can move into the castle with me, cook food for me and my family, wash my clothes, give birth to my children and then raise them. I am sure you will love to do it."

Late that night, while the princess feasted on frog legs, she said to herself, "I sure as hell don't think so!"