Very Funny Jokes

very funny jokes Welcome to Very Funny Jokes blog-Your blog for Good jokes, Short funny jokes & Jokes on Life.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Doctor joke-Weight problem

Lisa had put on so much weight it was almost impossible to recognize her. She went to the doctor and the doctor, after giving her advise, asked her to see him after a month.

Lisa went to see him again after a month and said, "Doctor, you had told me that playing would solve my weight problems, but I see no improvement!"

The good doctor replied back, "Yes, I had said that but 'Candy Crush' wasn't exactly what I had in mind."


Monday, June 27, 2016

Barber joke-An anecdote

As my boss Mr. Maggot gets older, there is an anecdote that he shares with his barber Jenkins. 

During every visit, Mr. Maggot says to Jenkins, "Here I am getting older by the day and losing hair all the time. Then, how is it that you increase your price every few weeks, when you have lesser hair to cut."

Jenkins has a witty reply, "You are absolutely right, Mr. Maggot. In fact, I should be charging you much more for all the efforts I take to find your hair."

Friday, June 24, 2016

Plane joke-Dimensions

Santa Singh, who was travelling by air for the first time, called the air hostess and asked her, "What is the height of the plane?"

The air hostess replied with a smile, "Approximately thirty four thousand feet."

Santa Singh's eyes popped out and he asked in a very astonished tone, "That's incredible! How wide is it then?"

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Bank joke-Who has the money?

When I looked around at the HDFC bank branch, an attendant rushed to me and asked, "May I help you Sir?"

I said, "Yes, I would like to open a Joint bank account please."

The attendant, (ignoring my wife who was with me) asked, "Who would you like to open it with?"

Not to let an opportunity like that go by, I joked, "With anybody here who is loaded."

Monday, June 20, 2016

Carlos the man-eater

It so turns out that Carlos, the man-eating Cannibal from the jungles of South India is on board the now dysfunctional Kingfisher Airlines.

The air hostess says to him, "Sir, can I offer you the menu for lunch?"

Carlos replies, "Nope. Just hand me over the passenger list."

Friday, June 17, 2016

Burning Calories

Do you how many calories you burn when you are making out.

See the list below:

When you lie down: 70 Cal
When you stand up: 350 Cal
When in Doggy mode: 455 Cal
Repeat second time: 850 Cal
While you are at it, and your wife suddenly rings the doorbell: 7500 Cal

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Knock Knock joke-Maiden

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Maiden.
Maiden who?
Maiden new year bring you joy and happiness!