Very Funny Jokes

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Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Blessing

Elaina invited some family friends to dinner. When they were all seated at the dinner table, she said to Ricki, her 5 year old son, "Why don't you say the blessing?"

Ricki replied, "I don't know what to say."

Elaina said , "Just say what you hear Mamma say."

"Okay" said, Ricki, "Good Lord, why do I have to invite so may people to dinner!"

Monday, September 01, 2014

Like people

Little Suzie was taking a stroll in the garden with her Grandpa. They came across a pair of dogs who were mating.

Suzie asked, "What are the doing?'

Grandpa was unprepared for this situation, and thinking fast, replied, "Err...the doggie on top is hurt, so the doggie below is carrying him to the vet for first-aid."

Little Suzie said, "They are so much like us people."

"Why do you say that?, asked Grandpa.

Little Suzie replied, "Lend a helping hand to someone, and they will screw you from behind!"

Friday, August 29, 2014

Motel Moonlight

Motel Moonlight came alive in the middle of the night by the sound of constant pounding. The security, with the hotel manager, rushed to room # 201 from where the sound was coming. They found their guest, Mr. Wilmer, an 81-year-old veteran punching and kicking the walls of his room.

The manager growled, "Stop it! You have woken up the entire motel."

"I care two hoots", replied Mr. Wilmer. "I get an erection after 15 years and both my hands are sleeping!"

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Chivalry

5-year-old Harry said to his mother, "Mom, you know what happened today. When I was seated in the bus, Dad asked me to offer my seat to our neighbour Mrs. Higgins."
 
His mother said, "Oh, that's good. It's called chivalry and I am glad your dad is teaching it to you at an early age!"

Harry said, "You didn't understand. I was sitting on dad's lap."

Monday, August 25, 2014

Who is to blame?

Young Yasmin barged into her mother's room and cried out, "Mom I am pregnant!"
                                      
"What???" screamed her mother, mad with rage. "Who is the Father??"

Yasmin, sobbing loudly, replied, "How am I supposed to know? It's YOU who would stop me from going steady!"

Friday, August 22, 2014

The priest's advice

Priest Albert Pinto was on his way home from church when he entered a by-lane. He saw a young boy giving himself pleasure using his hands. Priest Albert said to the

boy, "Son, what you are doing is wrong. You should save it and use it when you wed."

The young boy, called Joey was extremely ashamed and said to Priest Albert, "I will do as you say."

A decade passes by. Priest Albert Pinto was alone in the church one day, a young man comes to see him. He said, "Father, my name is Joey. You may not recollect the

conversation we had many years ago. You had caught me disgracing myself in a by-lane, and you had advised me to save it for my marriage."

Priest Albert asked, "So did you follow my advice?"

Joey replied, "Yes, i did. There;s just one thing that I would like to know."

Priest Albert said, "What is it, my son?"

Joy said, "Well, I have 10 barrels of the stuff in my pick-up truck. I am going to get married soon, What should I do with it?"

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The tabla player

Surjan Singh, a tabla (Indian drum) player came home after performing in a concert in another city.When he entered his town, he saw a cloud of smoke at a distance. He kept walking towards the smoke,as it was in the direction of his house. As he approached closer, his worst fears came true. It was his own house on fire.

There were policemen and firefighters all over the place. An officer asked him, "Are you the owner of this house?"

"Y-yes" muttered Surjan.

The officer said to him, "Your conductor had come to your home. He broke the furniture, molested your wife, beat your son, strangled your dog, took away your money & jewellery, and set the house on wire."

The tabla player's eyes lit up and he nodded his head in disbelief. "The conductor! He came to my home?"