Life-My neighbor's flowers

My neighbor's flowers in the front yard are in full bloom. In fact, they have been in full bloom for six consecutive months. They are remarkably resilient and have weathered snow, sleet, hail, thunderstorms and direct sunlight. Their various shades of white, yellow, blue and red are as vibrant today as yesteryear. They are literally indestructible.

My neighbor's flowers attract a lot of ridicule, derision, mockery, contempt, jeering, finger-pointing, disbelief, consternation, confusion, and laughter. The one thing they do not attract is bees.

My neighbor's flowers are sort of like a noxious "silent-but- deadly" at a wine tasting party. Every one detects it, yet no one publicly recognizes it. It's spoken about only afterwards, in privacy. Like a "silent-but- deadly", the flowers are not polarizing. They have not yet divided the neighborhood into opposing factions of critics and enthusiasts.

My neighbor's flowers are also greatly misunderstood. They are hypoallergenic. They represent stability in a constantly evolving world. They offer cheerful vibrant color on dark gloomy days. Most importantly, they are a reminder that life is not to be taken too seriously.

Most embarrasing moments - 1

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blo* job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39.

Short humor jokes-100 dollars for summer clothes

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn’t spoil that dream, would you, Dear?
Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $100.

Short adult jokes-Mistake

Girl to doctor - I have taken an I-pill by mistake. Now what should I do?
Doc: Get your self f**ked within 72 hrs, otherwise the tablet will not work.

Funny toons-Double suicide

Good jokes-Military Sons

Military joke
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile,
"Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself.
With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims,
"Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

Adult jokes-Moaning

Shane comes home and finds his wife Rita crying.
She says, "I found out from Mrs. Smith that you're having an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me? I've always been a good wife...I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for twenty years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"
Shane says, "It's true, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You never moan when we have sex."
Rita says, "If I moaned when we have sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I can moan during sex."
They go to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb in bed. As they start kissing, she says, "Now, Shane? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, not yet."
He starts fondling her, and she says, "What about now? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, I'll tell you when."
He climbs on top of her and starts banging her.
She says, "Is it time for me to moan now,?" He says, "Wait, wait...I'll tell you when."
A few minutes later, just seconds before he's going to climax, he says, "Now, Moan. Moan..."
She says, "you wouldn't believe what a day I had..."