Very Funny Jokes

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Another Mother-in-Law joke

It was Friday evening and we were having a guys-night-out. The topic came to mothers-in-law and each one of us guys had a nasty tale to narrate.

When almost everyone had finished their woeful accounts, Nick was the only one who was silent throughout. I asked him jokingly, "Nick, tell us the two most horrible things about your Mother-in-Law?"

Nick replied, "Her faces!"

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Horse breeders

Two horse-breeders are chatting across the fence, when one of them asks, "Do your horses smoke?"

The other, a little surprised, said, "Of course not!"

The first one says, "Then your stable must be burning!"

Friday, April 18, 2014

When your wife wants to see your phone...

Wife: Can I see your phone for a second?

Husband: Just a moment....
(He gets busy doing the following)
Remove video.

Remove pictures.
Remove private folder.
Remove numbers.
Remove sms.
Remove outgoing calls record.
Remove incoming calls record.
Remove mms.
Remove what's app.
FORMAT Memory Card...
Here you go, I have nothing to hide from you!

Wife: But I just wanted to see the time...

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Learnings of Ministers

When the Methodist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was an experience, how do I learn from it?"

When the Catholic priest falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "I must have done something really bad to deserve that."

When the Presbyterian minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was inevitable, I'm glad its over."

When the Baptist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "Which one of my deacons pushed me?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hands in my pocket

Professor Moody's 's hands were in his trouser pockets while he was teaching Psychology in class.

Some girls in the back row started giggling.

Professor Moody was quick to comment, "What is in your minds is not in my hands."

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Funny jokes-Direct correlation

The psychiatrist was giving a lecture, 'In my experience, many illnesses of a depressive nature are directly linked to physical activity, in fact I'd go so far as to say that there's a direct correlation between cheerfulness and the number of times people have sex.' The audience became more interested.

'Let's try a little experiment, shall we?' he suggested. 'Would all those who make love at least once a night stand up, please?' Several giggling young couples stood up.

'You see,' said the lecturer, 'look how bright and healthy they all seem. Now would those who make love three times a week stand up?' More couples got up.

'You can see that they're perfectly healthy" he said, 'but they don't seem to have quite the sparkle of the last lot, have they?' There was a murmur of agreement.

'And now would the people who only make love once a year stand up, please, I think you'll find that generally, ladies and gentlemen, these people will be depressed and miserable.' But even as he was speaking, a man in the front row stood up. He was beaming, positively glowing with excitement arid good cheer.

'I only have sex once a year,' he volunteered.

'Then why are you looking so pleased with yourself?' asked the lecturer, beginning to feel very foolish.

'Because,' said the man, 'tonight's the night!'

Monday, April 14, 2014

Coffee maker

My grandfather looked worried, so I asked what was bugging him.

He replied, "It's frightening when you start making the same sounds as your coffee maker."