Very Funny Jokes

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Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sporting

Mike was taunting Harry, a British guy who was seated next to him in a plane. Mike said, "Your Britishers think you are superior to others, what with your mannerisms and stiff upper lip. Look at me...I just be myself...I am part German, part Swiss, part Pakistani."

Harry smiled and said, "That's very sporting of your mom."

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The womanizing President

This is a funny incident about a former president of the United States well known for his womanizing ways.

While the President was at his desk signing some documents, an office person approached him nervously.

The President said in an annoyed tone, "What do you want?"

The officer said, "Sir, this is the Abortion bill. Please give us your instructions."

The President, dismissing him, answered, "Just pay it and don't bother me." 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

A handsome collection

There was an annal event and meeting of the Lions Club in Goa, India. There were elaborate arrangements, and a band was also called in to make the occasion musical and eventful. After the meeting was over, the speaker announced, "We have organized a charity event for Old Age Home. You are all requested to donate generously. Those who wish to donate kindly stand up and you will be approached by a person who will collect your contributions."

Nobody moved. So, the speaker asked the band to play the National Anthem.

Everybody had to stand up and there was a handsome collection that evening.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Remote story

My friend Ron who works at McDonald's had just taken an order from a customer and when he told her the bill amount, the lady fumbled in her purse to find cash. Ron noticed a remote control protruding out of the side of the purse and asked, "Do you always carry the remote with you?"

The lady replied, "No, not always. Only when I have had a fight with my husband!"

Friday, November 21, 2014

Knocked flat

Jack was walking on a footpath when he stepped off it and into the road, without looking left or right. He was immediately knocked flat by a cyclist.

The burly cyclist said to Jack, "You are one hell of a lucky guy."

Jack, who hadn't yet picked himself up, yelled, "What do you mean? You crashed into me and it really hurt!"

The cyclist said, "I normally drive a truck."

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Watch out for worms!

Bob and Rick were having mangoes during their lunch break in school.

Bob said to Rick, "My mom always tells me watch out for worms in the mangoes."

Rick said, "I don't care. They can watch out for themselves."

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Social worker

Meena was a social worker who was involved in a lot of reform work.

During her research on girls working in massage parlours in Thailand, he came across a girl called Lily involved in that particular profession.

Meena asked Lily, "Why did you choose this particular profession?"

Lily replied, "I am neck deep in debt. I have borrowed from this gangster called Paul. Now I am rubbing peters to pay Paul."