Very Funny Jokes

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Punishment for bigamy

When Lord John Russell was asked what would be an appropriate punishment for bigamy, his reply was quick : 'Two mothers-in-law".

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Best funny jokes-Manager's dislikes

Tom, was a sale representative working for an electronics company. On visiting a prospective customer, he offered a box of cigars to the Key accounts manager as a gift.

"No, thanks," said the Key accounts manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it."

Tom, hoping to clinch a sale, offered to take the Key accounts manager out for a round of drinks.

"No, thanks," the Key accounts manager replied. "Well, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."

Tom rolled his eyes, and then glancing out of the office window, saw a golf course.

"I suppose you play golf," said Tom. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."

"That's kind of you, but no, thanks," the Key accounts manager said. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."

Just then a young man entered the office.

"Let me introduce my son, Jason," said the plant manager.

"Let me guess," Tom said sarcastically, "An only child?"

Monday, April 21, 2014

Limericks-Careless

A flighty young gal named Melissa
Was careless as hell on the pissa.
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Another Mother-in-Law joke

It was Friday evening and we were having a guys-night-out. The topic came to mothers-in-law and each one of us guys had a nasty tale to narrate.

When almost everyone had finished their woeful accounts, Nick was the only one who was silent throughout. I asked him jokingly, "Nick, tell us the two most horrible things about your Mother-in-Law?"

Nick replied, "Her faces!"

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Horse breeders

Two horse-breeders are chatting across the fence, when one of them asks, "Do your horses smoke?"

The other, a little surprised, said, "Of course not!"

The first one says, "Then your stable must be burning!"

Friday, April 18, 2014

When your wife wants to see your phone...

Wife: Can I see your phone for a second?

Husband: Just a moment....
(He gets busy doing the following)
Remove video.

Remove pictures.
Remove private folder.
Remove numbers.
Remove sms.
Remove outgoing calls record.
Remove incoming calls record.
Remove mms.
Remove what's app.
FORMAT Memory Card...
Here you go, I have nothing to hide from you!

Wife: But I just wanted to see the time...

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Learnings of Ministers

When the Methodist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was an experience, how do I learn from it?"

When the Catholic priest falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "I must have done something really bad to deserve that."

When the Presbyterian minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was inevitable, I'm glad its over."

When the Baptist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "Which one of my deacons pushed me?