Very Funny Jokes

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Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Unique name

Rita bought a racehorse and named him Myface.

Her friend Dolly commented, "Isn't that a strange name for a horse? What are you going to do with him?"

Rita replied, "He is one of the fastest horses in the circuit. But I have not bought him for his speed. I don't mind if he does not win any races."

Dolly was very confused and asked, "Then what have you bought him for?"

Rita replied, "I will get utmost satisfaction when I hear those posh snobbish women scream, "Come on, Myface!"

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Some comparison that!

Rosy said to her husband Dave, "You know sweetheart, you are like a lawn-mower?"

Dave said, "Now where did that come from? What do you mean?"

Rosy replied, "It's difficult to get you started, you release stinking odors, and you don't work most of the times."

Monday, February 02, 2015

Guys and dogs

Laurel : Why do we guys chase girls we do not plan to marry?

Hardy : The explanation is the same as dogs chasing cars which they don't intend to drive.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Toad on the road

Little Tommy was on the way to school when he found a toad on the street. He picked it up and carried it to school. He placed the toad on his desk and as soon as Mrs. Jones, the Maths teacher entered the class, she let out a loud scream.

She yelled, "What is THAT on your desk, Tommy??"

Little Tommy replied, "Oh, it's a deaf toad."

"What??" said Mrs. Jones, "And may I ask how do you know it is deaf?"

Little Tommy replied, "I pisssed in its ear but it made no movement."

"Tommy!!! What did you just say?? What did you do into the toad's ear?" shouted Mrs. Jones.

Little Tommy said, "I just told you. I bent down and went PSSSSSTTTTT in its ear, but the toad wouldn't react!"

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Sleeping pills

The doctor told Mrs. Eberhardt, "Listen Ma'm,  your husband Phil needs some rest and some silence. Here are some sleeping pills."

Mrs. Eberhardt asked, "Should I give them to him before or after dinner?"

The good doctor in all his good humor, replied, "The pills are meant for you!"

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Reservations

Stella went to the Delta airline counter. The attendant at the counter asked her, "Madam, do you have reservations?"

Stella, not in the best of moods after being reprimanded by her boss earlier that day, replied, "You bet I have reservations. But that's not gonna stop me from flying."

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Tiger running loose

Sam was taking a stroll down the street when he noticed a crowd running in his direction.

He stopped one of the men and asked, "What's going on? Why is everyone running?"

The man replied, "A tiger has escaped the zoo and is running loose."

Sam asked, "Oh my God! Which way is it headed?"

The man replied sarcastically, "You can't possibly be thinking we are chasing it!!"