Really funny jokes-Bus load of Politicians

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.
He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but I didn'T believe them."

Humor jokes-Curious accused

ACCUSED: Sir,my lawyer is not well. Pleas postpone the hearing until another day.
JUDGE: What can your lawyer say in defense? You have been caught red-handed picking the commuter's pocket.
ACCUSED: Exactly, Sir, I ,too,am curious to know what he says.

Good jokes-The three men at the Pearly Gates

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Humor jokes-A word of inspiration

Fred was in the hospital, near death; his family and friends were standing around the bed. As they stood there, Fred's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. One of the friends lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.
The friend thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Fred died. "You know," he told another friend, "Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Children jokes-Dad's role

An inquisitive four-year-old watching too much TV was learning from the Mom.
Child: Who protects us from bad guys robbing our house?
Mom: The policeman does that honey.
Child: Mom if the house gets fire who saves us?
Mom: The fireman does that dear.
Child: Where does our food come from?
Mom: The farmer brings that dear.
Child asked finally, "Mom, then what do we need daddy for?"
Mom: For bringing a sibling to you, dear.

Humor pictures-Wet graduation!

Really funny jokes-Characters from story

When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their names by noting they were the same as those of two characters in a popular children's story.
After the services I stopped to talk to them, and as they were saying goodbye I teased, "Be careful going up that hill! But you must get that all the time."
They smiled politely but said nothing. After they left, my wife asked, "What was that all about?"
"Jack and Jill. Up the hill. Remember?" I said.
"Yes, but what does that have to do with," she pointed to the couple, "Dick and Jane?"

humor jokes-The runways are clear

A peppery woman at the airline ticket counter was complaining long and loudly about the delay in her plane's departure.
"Young man," she snapped at the agent, "the way you people run this airline a witch on a janitor's broom could get there faster!"
The agent, with just a hint of a smile, says, "The runways are clear, madam. Please feel free."

Good jokes

After Receiving an Invitation to an Inventors' Ball:
- Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
- Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
- Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
- Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
- Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."

Humor jokes-Marriage problems

A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together.
After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"
The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."
The wife says, "Seven weeks."

Children jokes-The goats

Who says Today's Kids aren't smart ??
I wish I'd thought of this...
At a high School in Montana, a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose in the school.
Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats. 1,2,4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

Office humor jokes-Trust in God

Short adult jokes-Never slept with a man

"I never slept with a man until I married your father," declared the stern mother to her wild young daughter.
"Will you be able to say the same thing to your daughter?"
"Yes," replied the girl, "but not with such a straight face."

Good jokes- 2 Feet

A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought "The Almighty" had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelerator. "

Really funny jokes-Brazilian soldiers

The Secretary of Defense is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Short adult jokes-Drunken driving

One evening, a female police officer pulled a man over for drunken driving, and said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held you. Do you want to say anything?"
drunk replied, "Nice boobs."

Humor jokes-Dreams

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
"I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.
That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled...
"The Meaning of Dreams"

Good jokes-The report

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says:
" Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
" Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this
little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
" Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?"
" A Harley Davidson."

The journalist leaves and the following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

Short adult jokes-Knockout blonde

A knockout blonde with a fine set of knockers complains to the doctor, "I believe I am losing my mind. I can't remember ANYTHING after five minutes!"
The doctor answers, in his most comforting tone, "Just take off all your clothes, miss, and lie down..."

Humor jokes-The seniors special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.

Office humor jokes-Lucrative job offer

Really funny jokes-Fire in Chemical plant

One night , in a sleepy town a huge chemical plant exploded into flames. The alarm went off and departments from miles around raced to the scene. After fighting the fire for over an hour the chemical company president approached the fire chief, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
At that,the firemen attacked with a renewed gusto. Two hours later they still had not gained any ground. At that, the company president offered $100,000 to the engine company that brought out the company's secret files.
In the distance, the wail of yet another siren was heard and soon another fire truck came into sight. The fire chief shook his head, aware it was that little rinky-dink volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. Much to his amazement, though, the fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove right into the middle of the inferno. He could see the old timers hopping off their rig , fighting the fire with an effort that he had never before witnessed.
Less than an hour later, the fire was out and the secret formulas were saved by this group of volunteers! The chemical company president was so ecstatic he doubled the reward to $200,000! After thanking the volunteers , the chemical company president couldn't help but ask what they planned to do with the reward money.
The engineer (driver) looked him tight in the eye, ready with his answer. "First thing we 'll do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!"

Short adult jokes

Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going home for Rosh Hashanah.
The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is this the holiday when you light the candles?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies, "That's Hannukah."
The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that when you eat unleavened bread?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies, "That's Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday when we blow the shofar."
The Catholic girl replies, "That's what I like about you Jews, you're so good to your help."

Blonde jokes-Weighing scale

A blonde, carrying a baby in her arms, enters a pharmacy and asks to use the infant scale to weigh the baby.
The clerk explains that the infant scale is out for repair, but she could figure out the infant's weight by weighing mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"Oh, that will never work!" groaned the blonde. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt!"

Really funny jokes-After marriage

After three years of marriage, Amy was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."
Amy promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13....."

Humor jokes-Crazy train

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.
Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager.
The manager says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical, but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in and says, "What are you doing here!?!"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

Adult humor jokes-"How do you feel about sex?"

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.
At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked ............
"Is that one word or two?"

Good jokes-Mental problems

Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?"
Douglas replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?"
Douglas replied, "The same place you got that f**king train!"

Funny pictures-The bond

Blonde jokes-Stamps

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination? "
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to ths? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.

Humor jokes-Pretty Lady

A guy sees a pretty lady at the end of the bar and is interested in buying her a drink. He tells the bartender that he will buy her another of whatever she is drinking.
The bartender says "OK, I'll pour it for her. But just for your information, she's a hooker. She'll do what you want for money."
The drink gets delivered and the woman makes eyes at the guy, inviting him over. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the guy gets up the nerve to ask her: "The bartender says you're a hooker, is that true?"
The woman says "Yes. I do it for the money. In fact,
I'll do anything for $200."
The guy thinks for a minute and then pulls out $200, gives it to her and says "Paint my house."

Really funny jokes-Secret of Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day "he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty
foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six, " he said.

Adult humor jokes-Harassment!

Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"
"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"
"Very Good Jenny!"
Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.
Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.
"Harassment! " says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said NO, but harassment yes!"

Humor jokes-A woman's poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...
Like his mother used to do.

Office humor jokes-Hire for loans dept.

Adult humor jokes-Delivering newspapers

Dirty Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door, a lady answers, and he says, "Collect... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, I'll give you sex instead."
Johnny says, "All right." He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there's the biggest dick she's ever seen. Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding them onto his dick.
She says, "You don't have to do that...I can take all of it."
He says, "Not for five bucks you can't."

Really funny jokes-Two statues

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"
He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."

Blonde jokes

Q: How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: "Cause their balls will show if they did"

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Humor jokes-Gonna be awful mad

The boy's father was a dirt farmer in a very poor, hard scrabble,district of the back hills country. One day his Uncle Arnie came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, the uncle was required to sleep in with the boy, his young nephew.
When Uncle Arnie came into the bedroom, he saw the little boy kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. - - Admiring the boy's apparent religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed too.
The boy looked up, startled, and asked his uncle, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing boy", replied the Uncle.
"Ma's gonna be awful mad", exclaimed the boy.
"Why will she be mad?" asked a puzzled Uncle Arnie.
The boy responded, "Because the bed pan's on this side!"

Good jokes-Twenty dollar bill

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash register of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church, church, church..."
Confused, the twenty dollar bill asked, "What's a church?"

Funny pictures-You don't wanna mess with him!

Short humor jokes-Active sex life

Women are pretty indecisive; they spend the first twenty years of their active sex life saying, "Is THAT all you think of?"
And she spends the next twenty years of their sex life saying, "Don't you EVER think of that?"

Humor jokes-Bubba's ode to love

Roses are red,
or are they blue?
Hell I don't know
but I do like you.
I love you more
than my truck's tires.
Yer more useful than my
old rusty pliers.
You cook a good deer
and fry a good egg,
just wish you'd shave that
hair off your legs.
If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face,
It's okay, I'll still feel the same,
I'll just keep on tellin my buddies,
yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.
Yer my pride and joys,
What a lady!
But hows come we do it
only when it's my payday?
When I ran over ya with my truck,
you didn't even say "ouch."
And you are so cute,
when you wipe your boogers under the couch.
I hope we stay together,
at least a couple more days-
cuz I'm really horny
and I want to get laid.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Really funny jokes-The cat

A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"

Humor jokes-Hot lips

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label.
Henry Busse had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it. She looked up the number for the record shop and called them.
Unfortunately, she misdialled and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body."
She said, "Do you have 'Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?"
Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!"
After a slight pause, the lady asked, "Is that a record?"
"I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."

Short humor jokes-Jury trial

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied.
"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.
"Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

Really funny jokes-Doll buggies

Two little girls, pushing their doll buggies in the park, meet for the first time. Examining the other's doll buggy and baby, each exclaimed, "Oh what a pretty baby and baby buggy you have. Where did you get your baby and what did it cost?"
"My Mommy got mine at a sale at a Super K Mart store for $32.95"
"Oh that's great! She's so pretty."
"Well, thank you. And where did you get your baby? She's such a beautiful little doll."
"Mommy got mine at Wal Mart for $32.04, the last one they had."
"Well she is certainly beautiful. You must be very proud of her."
Just then a real mommy came by with her firstborn. Naturally the "Oh's" and "Ah's" started, and then ending with the same question, "Where did you get your baby and how much did he cost?"
"Well, I got my baby at the Sutter Maternity Hospital and it cost about $5,000."
The two little girls were stunned. The group broke up, the real mommy walked on. Finally one of the little girls turned to the other and said, "You know, I don't know what you think about that deal, but if you ask me, she REALLY got SCREWED!"

Good jokes-Blood circulation

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow at the back shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Funny pictures-Respectable citizens!!

Short humor jokes-Business Conventions

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without!

Adult humor jokes-Shame and Glory

A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs the first one, "This is for the shame," and then the second one, "This is for the glory." She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one, "This is for the shame" and then the second one, "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her. "Ma'am, I was just wondering, what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."

Humor pictures-Pac man

Really funny jokes-Pope

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope.
One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him.
Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says
"I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

Humor jokes-Urologist

Bill was less than grateful when his urologist recomm- ended he give up sex completely, if he was to beat a rare but-lethal chronic fatigue disease. "Give up sex completely, doc?" he shouted. "I'm a young buck. How can you expect me to just go cold turkey?"
"So get married and taper off gradually," the doctor prescribed.

Good jokes-Irish maths test

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy," and proceeded to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asked.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman.
"Fair enough," said the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratched his head and said, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looked at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, "A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when do I start?"

Life-Silent & Listen

THE WORDS S I L E N T & L I S T E N -have the same letters & yet they convey different meanings.
So we need to be SILENT and be ready to LISTEN

Really funny jokes-Blonde for President

When a blond calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist responds, "What are you, an idiot?"
The blonde, at that point says, "Why, is it required?"

Short humor jokes-Good lawyer & Great lawyer

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

Good jokes-Quit smoking

A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work.
"Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks.
"No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says, "because I'm not sure it works."
Says her friend, "I'm sure it would if you put it over your mouth."

Funny pictures-Wierdo!!

Really funny jokes-Blonde

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6, 7,8,9,10!
Very good, said her Mother.
Is it because I'm blonde?
"Yes, it's because your blonde," said the Mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. " Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F, G!
"Very Good," said her Mother.
Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?
"Yes it's because your blonde!
The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

Short humor jokes-Antennas

"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent."

Humor jokes-The 7 most important Men in a Woman's Life

The Doctor:Because, he tells you to take off your clothes.
The Dentist:Because, he tells you to open wide.
The Milkman:Because, he asks you;do you want it in the front or the back?
The Hairdresser: Because, he asks you do you want it blown or teased?
The Interior Decorater:Because, he tells you once it's in you'll like it.
The Banker:Because, he tells you, if you take it out to soon,you'll lose interest.
Last But Not Least,The Hunter:Because, he goes deep into the bush, he always shoots twice,and he always eats what he shoots.

Good jokes-The waitress

A ill mannered waitress became suddenly sick on the job while serving and had to be rushed by ambulance to the emergency room of a nearby hospital. She was laid on one of the tables and set aside waiting to get the attention of the doctor for about an hour.
Suddenly, she saw the doctor with stethoscope around neck, recognized him as some one coming to eat in her restaurant and yelled, "Help me Doctor, I have been waiting too long in pain?"
The Doctor replied, "Sorry Maam, that is not my table. "

Funny pictures-Fish feed

Short humor jokes-words

Q: What should you do if your dog swallows a book?
A: Take the words right out of his mouth.

Good jokes-Dutchman

A Belgian guy watched a Dutchman in a cafe get the most beautiful girls without any trouble, even though he did not look very nice. Asked how he did this, the Dutchman said, "Well very easy, when I enter, I toss the keys of my Rolls Royce on the bar and they just flock to me. Though I am as poor as you, the keys do it."
So this Belgian guy buys a some nice Rolls keys and tries it also, but to no avail.
He asks the Dutchman for advice again, "Yes says the Dutchman, if you don't take off your bicycle helmet it don't work.

Office humor jokes-Work hard!

Really funny jokes-Pet cemetary

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."

Short humor jokes-Skeleton beauty contest

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

Celebrity news - Britney in hospital

Britney Spears checked into UCLA Medical Center on Thursday at 1:30AM and is going through a detox process at the hospital. Spears is being evaluated for her condition so she can be given the proper medication to treat her bipolar condition. Britney is expected to stay at UCLA for another 3-14 days. After she is discharged from the hospital her parents plan on taking her back to their hometown in Kentwood, Louisiana so she can recuperate.