Short adult jokes-Monotonous

John: Would you tell me your sexual fantasies, Jill?
Jill: Well, yes, but I'm afraid you'd find them monotonous.
John: Why do you think so?
Jill: You're in all of them!

Cannibal jokes-High price

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?'
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."

Funny pictures-The difference between Women & Men

Children jokes-Pronouns

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!

Humor jokes-New EU Directive

In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'

Short adult jokes-Divorce

Mary: Larry and Karen are getting a divorce.
Jill: You're kidding! I thought they had so much in common.
Mary: Actually, that's the problem. They both like pussy.

Did you know-Starfish

Short humor jokes-Arguing with the boss

Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.

Really funny jokes-"Steak House"

While at the Benihanna steak house, my son-in-law began choking on some thing that was in the fried rice. Our cook had severed a finger joint making the food and I thought maybe that was what perhaps choking my son in law.
My daughter who has had Red Cross training knocked her husband down and jumped on him with her knees in his chest and had both hands around his neck.
It worked and he coughed up some thing under the table.
I told my daughter I thought the Hymlich anti choking maneuver was supposed to be done by grabbing the victim around the waist from the back.
"It is done differently when you are married," she said to me sweetly.

Humor jokes-The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger said, "I do, Why?"
The cowboy said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was about to die from heat exhaustion.The Lone Ranger got water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and said, "I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and begins running circles around Silver.
Unable to do anything except wait, the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse out side?"
The Lone Ranger stands and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun running."

Sarcastic humor in Life-The worst animal rescue

During the firemen's strike of 1978, the British Army had taken over emergency fire fighting and on January 14th they were called out by an elderly lady in South London to retrieve her cat which had become trapped up a tree.
They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty.
So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea.
Driving off later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it!..

Humor pictures-Stop!!

Short adult jokes-How many men?

Jill: C'mon, Mary, exactly how many men have you been with?
Mary: Now, Jill, I've taken the Army's policy on that information and adapted it for my own situation.
Jill: What do you mean?
Mary: Don't ask; don't tell; don't remember.

Humor jokes-Bury at Sea

Eugene Sills went to see his attorney to make a will.
When it was all done, he told the lawyer that he wanted only one more thing added ....he wanted to be buried at sea.
"But why?" the lawyer asked.
"That's so my wife can be taken care of if she goes ahead with her threat to dance on my grave."

Good jokes-"Walking Home From Church"

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy. "Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the little girl.
"I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl.
"I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea,"replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked ...
"You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a BAPTIST and a METHODIST!!!

Short adult jokes-Suck

A little boy goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's room, he peeks through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues down the hallway saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad when I suck my thumb."

Irish proverbs

• Snuff at a wake is fine if there's nobody sneezing over the snuff box.
• If a cat had a dowry, she would often be kissed.
• It's hard to take britches off bare hips.
• Marriages are all happy; it's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.
• It's hard to take britches off bare hips.
• It's no use boiling your cabbage twice.
• A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.
• If you put a silk dress on a goat he is a goat still.
• There is a crock of gold in the tomb of every chieftain, but they are all guarded by cats and fairies.

Humor jokes-Now what?

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"

Really funny jokes-Tell them

Wife: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband: You tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Funny pictures-Time for medecines

Sarcastic jokes-The ultimate facts about Men and Women

Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Blonde jokes-Between you and me

Q: What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
A: Between you and me we could make a lot of money!

Humor jokes-Days of the week

Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and realize it's a workday again and the weekend is over, the first day of the week is called Moanday.
Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week just open a can of beans. Hence the day is known as Tootsday.
By the third day of the week, people are wondering when they can ever find the time to get everything done this week that they need to, hence the day is known as Whensday.
Too bleary to even count properly, people think it's only Day Three of the week on the next day, therefore it's erroneously called Thirdsday.
On the last day of the workweek, people often go out "for a few" after work. By the time they get home, they're too tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece of meat, chicken, or
fish in the skillet. That's why the day is known as Fryday.
Saturday night all the singles let loose. There's a lot of sexual hijinks. It's pretty obvious why the day is called Satyrday.
And on the last day of the week-and the weekend--people look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn't get crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they won't keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.

Short adult jokes-Sex education

School girl : I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION class
Teacher:Why not?
School girl : Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be oral!

Really funny jokes-Change

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.
Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.
The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.
The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business " and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.
Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.
The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says: " there is your fu*king change!"
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer! "

Funny pictures-Kinds of love

Quotes-Why athletes can't get real jobs

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
*****
New Orleans Saint running back George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
*****
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen then of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom, too."
*****
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
*****

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
*****
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful.)
*****
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
*****
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Humor jokes-New Lexus

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attentionto the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

Short adult jokes-Field of Dildos

A farmer in Kansas has successfully grown a field of dildos. He's called it the "Field of Dreams".
Unfortunately he's having trouble with squatters.

Blonde jokes-Pregnant

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

Office humor jokes-EMI

Short humor jokes-Vodka

And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good.
Then God said, "Let there be light!"
And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."

Really funny jokes-Neologisms

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologisms, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. (E's favorite)
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Short adult jokes-American Citizens

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top!"

Humor jokes-State of art hearing aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty"

Good jokes-Getting married

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

Doctor jokes-Physical

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur,be careful"

Short adult jokes-Referee's Daughter

Did you hear about the footballer who had a date with a referee's daughter?
She penalized him three times- for handling, interference and trying to pull off a jersey.

Humor jokes-Dangerous situation

On your left are 3 Ostriches. On your right is a herd of gazelles being chased by a lion.
In front of you are 4 deer. Behind you are 5 stampeding horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the Merry-Go-Round!

Short adult jokes-Lady Traffic Police

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector
Friend: How was your first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet.

Really funny jokes-On a napkin

A man ordered a soup in the restaurant but, as soon as the soup arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I HAVE SPIT IN THE SOUP".
Once he returned, he found a message on the same napkin: "ME, TOO".

Funny pictures-Restaurant with unique seats

Funny adult jokes-The price of fishing

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" ..and she said, "Wear sun-block."

Short humor jokes-Mixed emotion

What is the height of mixed emotions???
when your mother in law falls from 7th floor on your Mercedes!!!

Children jokes-Empty

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied,
"That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

Humor jokes-Time up

A 45 -yr. old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital to have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God : "didn't recognize you at that time"

Did you know?

Short adult jokes-Sensitive part

Which part of the body is most sensitive while watching adult movies?
Guess?
Ha ha, you are wrong.
It's your ears to make sure that some body is not coming

Really funny jokes-Miracle Car

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home. That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared.
After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening. When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off.
Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/ spraypainter to fix their dad's car. Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.
Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge,
"A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

Short adult jokes-So hard

To make it stand, you wet it!
To make it wet, you suck it!
To make it stiff, you lick it!
To get it in, you push it!
Damn !!!!!!!
Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!

Doctor jokes-All Out of Anaesthetic

A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.
He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction.
It all happened in an instant.
The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.
Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!"

Life-Did you know?

Short humor jokes-Fight

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Funny statements

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

The Worst Bank Robbery

In August 1975 three men were on their way to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.
When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle.
The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.

Classic jokes-Success

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Humor jokes-Merchandise exchange

A preacher riding on a bicycle came across a boy of his church group trying to sell an old lawn mower. Preacher asked why he was selling the lawn mover. The boy explained his Dad told him that if he sold the old lawn mover and then he could buy a new bicycle for himself for the money he gets.
So the kindly preacher asked the boy if he would trade boy's lawn mover for preacher's bike. The boy agreed and they exchanged the merchandise.
The preacher tried to start the engine of the lawn mower by pulling the string several times but the lawn mover would not start. So he asked the boy what was the trick to start?. The boy explained, you have to cuss at it until it starts.
The preacher laughed, and said, Boy, ever since I took the vow of preacher-hood, I have given up, never spoken and forgotten bad words of Cussing.
The boy said, Keep on pulling the string, they will come back to you, and then it will start.

Really funny jokes-Happy Man

Que. What makes a happy man?
Ans. Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.

Short adult jokes-Signboard

Sign board outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy

Blonde jokes-TGIF

Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Adult jokes-Exhausted

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is always exhausted all the time. After the diagnosis the doctor asked how often is she having intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday", she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
" I can't", she says. "That's the only time I am home with my husband."

Humor jokes-Really Call Centre

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Office humor jokes-Credit

Short adult jokes-Discharge

Gal tells her Doctor: I've got a bad discharge.
Dr: Drop your knickers.
He fingers her & says how's it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear.

Life-Confidence

A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out.
Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.
Suddenly an old man appeared before him. "I can see that something is troubling you," he said. After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you."
He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying, "Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time."
Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!
"I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.
With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.
Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.
"I'm so glad I caught him!" she cried. "I hope he hasn't been bothering you. He's always escaping from the rest home and telling people he's John D. Rockefeller."
And she led the old man away by the arm.
The astonished executive just stood there, stunned.
All year long he'd been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.
Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

Good jokes-The Habitual Mistake

An employee walks into the Accounts office and says "What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $200 less than what was decided upon."
The Accountant replies "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month."
The employee snaps back "Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report."

Short adult jokes-Slap

Why did the English teacher slap Johnny?
Because Johnny asked her: Why is Bra singular when it covers 2 & Panties plural when it covers only one?

Funny statements

* What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
- No one to talk to during orgasm.

* Why do men like women in leather?
- Because they smell like new cars

Sarcastic jokes-Breaking News:

CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps, so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you do...!!