Short humor jokes-Husband's whereabouts

What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

Celebrity humor-BUSHISMS

While large corners of the world are busy celebrating Obama's presidential victory there will be some people feeling slightly deflated to see George Bush step down as US president.
Over the past eight years Bush has provided us with endless amusement as a result of his faux pas or "Bushisms' as they've been dubbed. Here are twenty of our favourites.

20. "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." - Nov. 28, 2005
19. "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - Sept. 6, 2000
18. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." - Dec. 19, 2000
17. "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness. " - Aug. 30, 2000
16. "I think we agree, the past is over." - May 10, 2000
15. "I understand small business growth. I was one." - Feb. 19, 2000
14. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating. " - April 23, 2002
13. "I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I'm going to be the president of everybody." - Jan. 18, 2001
12. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." - Jan. 3, 2000
11. "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will." - Oct. 5, 2002
10. "I just want you to know that when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." - June 18, 2002
9. "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." - May 25, 2004
8. "I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout oursociety." - Aug. 13, 2002
7. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - Sept. 17, 2002
6. "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." - Oct. 8, 2004
5. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - Sept. 29, 2000
4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Aug. 5, 2004
3. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" - Jan. 11, 2000
2. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." - Jan. 27, 2000
1. "They misunderestimated me." - Nov. 6, 2000

Funny statements-Smarter

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works if you spend 12.99 Dollars for the video, your dog is smarter than you. – Jay Leno

Accountant Jokes-How old?

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:
"This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information? "
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

Children jokes-Dead Seagull

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

Short adult jokes-Harder

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Doctor jokes-Handwriting

A doctor, found it easier to communicate with one of his elderly, hard-of-hearing patients by writing her notes.
One day she came to the office for some test results. "Now, doctor," she said sternly, "If you have anything to tell me, please have your secretary type it. Frankly, your handwriting is worse than my hearing."

Life without difficulties

Really Funny jokes-Sartre's Coffee

The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"
Sartre replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".
Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream - how about with no milk?"

Office humor jokes-Recession

Special Scheme for Employees....
Dear staff,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of Economy since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme To put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

B/O

Humor jokes-Wallpaper

A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yeah!" said Buffy. "So did I."

Animal jokes-Dog Pet Peeves

Dogs have peeves just like people do. We recently spoke with someone who is able to translate barks and whines. The following are dogs' biggest pet peeves, told by a dog:
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Cutting the cheese and then blaming it on me. Not funny!
3. Yelling at me for barking. Hey, have you noticed? I'm a dog!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone.
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
6. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
7. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous!
8. Dog sweaters. Hello? Look what I have all over me. It's called fur!
9. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Come on, it's embarrassing! All the other dogs are laughing at me!
10. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for you, you nitwit!

Short adult jokes-Laid

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid last night."

Children jokes-Drive

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time . Just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a
single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!'

Humor pictures-No smoking!

Adult jokes-Immigrant style

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'I pay you $300.'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400.'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?'.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal immigrant replies 'You send bill to Government.'

Sarcastic jokes-The great mathematical error

The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on July 28th towards Venus. After 13 minutes flight a booster engine would give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course corrections and after 100 days the craft would circle the unknown planet, scanning the mysterious clouds in which it is bathed.
However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after take off. Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from the instructions fed into the computer.
'It was a human error' a launch spokesman said.
This minus sign cost 4,280,000 pounds.

Really funny jokes-Just like Mother

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, “I’ve found a woman just like mother!”
His father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

Cannibal jokes-Better

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief said, "Yeah."
When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi"
The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi"
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you, you know,eat their 'things'?"
The chief says,"No."
"No?" asked the rescuer.
"No," replied the Chief, ... "Things go better with Coke."

Life-Everything

I had everything a man could want,' moaned a sad-eyed friend of ours.
"Money, a handsome home, the love of a beautiful and wealthy woman.
Then, bang, one morning my wife walked in!"

Office humor jokes-Promoted

Overheard in the next cubicle: "Ted got promoted, so I'm collecting money to buy him a cake."
"What? Now he'll be grossly overcompensated compared with the rest of us. Buying him a cake only exasperates the unfairness!" There was a pause. "Did you know he has high cholesterol? "
"Here's my dollar!"

Funny statements-Ridiculous or absurd

She said she bought her dress for a ridiculous price.
The truth is, she bought it for an absurd figure.

Short humor jokes-Dig

Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?
The skeleton crew

Funny pictures-Celebrity humor

Short adult jokes-Impotent

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

Really funny jokes-Cured

Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.
"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field and great money. But, on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experiences here in the hospital and what it's like to be a patient here." The patient continued, "People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately."
Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."
The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

Marriage jokes-Honeymooner

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Humor jokes-Sales pitch

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.
"Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.' Then I asked her 'Why?' She replied, 'Because I love you.'"

Humor pictures-Tit for tat!

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Really funny jokes-Pedestrians

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians. " Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians! " for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Accountant Jokes-No sleep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That' s the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Adult jokes-Blow!

Humor jokes-Skeptical

First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horoscope aloud.
"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, level headed person. Do you really believe in astrology?"
"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical us Capricorns are."

Short sarcastic jokes

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Really funny jokes-Selling Bibles

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always
kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, 'Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?'
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied,
"Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.'
'Fine job, Jack!' The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. 'You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.'
Turning to Paul, 'And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?'
Paul said, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'
The minister responded, 'That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.'
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said,
'And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?'
Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.
The minister opened it and counted the contents. 'What is this?' the minister exclaimed. 'Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?'
Louie just nodded.
'That's impossible!" Both Jack and Paul said in unison. 'We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.'
'Yes, this does seem unlikely,' the minister agreed. 'I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.'
Louie shrugged. 'I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,' he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. 'For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!'
'A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,' Louis replied, 'W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or- -- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-he re and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??'

Short humor jokes-Dig

Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?
The skeleton crew

Office jokes-Effects of financial meltdown

My broker called me this morning and said,
"Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 55?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108."

Short adult jokes-Attraction

ATTRACTION - The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Funny statements-Life

Speed is life.
Altitude is life insurance.

Humor jokes-Idle lawyer

After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened his own law office. One day he was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him.
"Show him right in!" the lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!"
Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."

Dirty one liners-Love at first sight

What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Humor pictures-The real way to play chess

Sarcastic jokes-Haircut

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad, India. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with printouts of the fowarded mail mentioning about free haircut!

Blonde jokes-Battery

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.

Short humor jokes-Fiction

Prospective groom at Bookstore : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Really funny jokes-Purina

I have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?).
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and that was the reason for the hospitalization.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

Funny statements-Dyslexic

Did you ever hear about the dyslexic agnostic who wasn't sure if there was a Dog?

Sports humor-Teed

The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. The first golfer in a foursome teed off and hooked the ball. It soared over the fence and bounced onto the street, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and ricocheted back onto the fairway. As they all stood in amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you do that?"
The golfer shrugged. "You have to know the bus schedule."

Short adult jokes-Adjust

Woman complaining to the dentist "I rather get pregnant then having a tooth filled"
Dentist: "Decide fast so that I can adjust the chair accordingly"

Really funny jokes-Bubba's hearing

Down in redneck country, Bubba attends a church revival meeting and joins in the singing, clapping and dancing with great enthusiasm. The preacher raises his arms in the air and calls for people in the congregation to come forward if they are in need of a special prayer. "Don't be shy, come forward and all the brothers and sisters will pray for you. The power of our love can move mountains." A queue forms and the preacher begins the laying-on of hands and loud exhortations. Bubba waits patiently and when it's finally his turn, the preacher says: "Welcome my son, the Lord is with you. What would you like me to pray about for you?" Bubba replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Bubba's head and prays long and loud. The congregation shouts its approval. After a few minutes the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks: "Bubba how is your hearing now?" Bubba says: "I don't know, preacher, it ain't until next Thursday."

Humor jokes-Finding an apartment

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in.
Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family!
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill found a place that was ideal.
The landlord asked him, "How many children do you have?"
Bill answered with a deep sigh, "Seven . . . but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."
He got the apartment!

Animal jokes-Smartest Dog

A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones.
Seeing the bones, the doctor turns to the others and says, "I'm going to prove to you two that my dog is the smartest. Watch this!"
He then calls his dog over and says, "Bones! See the bones? Go get 'em!" The dog rushes over to the pile, rummages around for a bit, and then proceeds to build a replica of the human skeleton, perfect down to the last detail. The doctor grins smugly; after all, his dog has just built a human skeleton from animal bones.
The engineer, however, is totally unimpressed. "That's nothing," he says. "Watch this." He calls his dog over, and points out the pile. "Bones! Get the bones!" The dog rushes over, tears down the skeleton, and in its place builds a perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower. It even has a little French flag waving at the top. The doctor is forced to
agree that the engineer's dog is, in fact, smarter than his own.
The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. "My dog is smarter," he says. "Watch." He then calls his dog over, points to the pile, and says simply, "Bones." The dog rushes over to the pile, tears down the tower, eats half the bones, buries the other half, and takes the rest of the afternoon off.

India calling-Views of Army Officer's daughter

Who let the politicians out?
by Vaishnavi Prasad

Sir,

I am Vaishnavi Prasad, daughter of Colonel K Prasad, whom you would remember from MHOW between 1991-93. I am a student of Journalism in Chennai, India and am closely following this issue, both on the news and through the email group Report My Signals which my father receives regularly. You are doing a great service to the armed forces both serving and retired, in fighting the injustice meted out them by the bureaucrats and the politicians.
Here, are my personal views on the same for your reading.
Sincerely& hoping for the best,
A concerned citizen
Vaishnavi.

---------------
Absolutely genuine views of an Officer's daughter!
It's very simple. A military coup, that is. One collective word is all it needs to convert this nation from a democratic country to a progressive economy with martial law.
The armed forces will take over the nation, and no one can do a thing about it.
Not the police force, not Manmohan Singh(=Sonia Gandhi), not A.K. Antony. No one. A movement will arise so suddenly and with the fury of a raging tsunami, that it will rewrite India's future, inject discipline in the blood of every Indian, unscrew unopened bottles of potential and terrorise the intestines out of those who dare to oppose them or irrigate the minds of others with vile thoughts. Corruption will be eliminated 90% and progress will double.. Indeed, the souls of our forefathers who fought for real freedom, will rest whole-heartily under this military control. Ironic, but true. The question here is, why won't they do it?
Let me tell you what bothers me. I am the 19 year old daughter of a retired government servant, an army officer to be specific (note the 'Servant'.. absolutely true in case of the armed forces)
My father, who retired as a Colonel, is not a reciever of the PVSM, AVSM,&; VSM, or even the VC for that matter. He was a part of the army, served an ordinary Colonel's role, did not jump in front of a bullet to save his men, or plan an intelligent strategy to capture some enemy territory. He was a part of both major wars with Pakistan and China, returned without being a decorated war hero, served in regiments in both borders, saw extreme weather conditions and backward technology and most importantly, he enjoyed and took immense pride in doing all this and serving the nation.
Yet, I feel my father is a greater man than many 'greats' in thisnation. Shahrukh Khan, or Pratibha Patil,to begin with:neither of them have sacrificed more than a sleepless night or compromised on their Saturday morning sleep for the nation.
I don't blame you for saying, 'Oh, she's an army officer's daughter, obviously that's why she's biased'. I don't deny it. It is true. I am biased. And I want every single person in this country, if not the world to be biased. I can only tell you what it is like to have seen these people up, close and personal, to have heard true incidents of bravery and selflessness and then know they're are being paid peanuts, to sacrifice their lives without hesitation for the nation.
When I was 16, my family took a holiday to Arunachal Pradesh, to the regiment where my father had been in command, more than 20 years ago. From a scenic , quaint little town called Tenga, on the banks of a gushing river, we travelled to a snow desert near the Chinese border called Bumla. Here, in the middle of nowhere, one could see a small board stuck in the ice reading 'Welcome to India'.
For as far as our eyes could see in all four directions, there was nothing but snow. Beside that board stood a guard, probably of south Indian origin, in 6 layers of clothing, a giant wind-cheater and the heaviest pair of snow-boots imaginable, against constant rapid winds, endless lengths and immense depths of ice, pacing an abandoned minefield from the 1962 war, looking through a telescope at Chinese vantage points to track enemy positions and moves.
He didn't opt to be there, but when he chose the forces as a career he knew what he would be facing, and he faces it with valour, for he has the patriotism that you and I and many of our politicians lack. Tomorrow he may die in battle, but I know for sure, that no one who has joined the forces will ever regret taking up that profession. If he dies in an act of bravery, he will most
probably be awarded a VC or PVC medal for the same, posthumously. Then the government might give his family a lump sum and/or a measly monthly stipend of Rs.850 to Rs.1500. I ask you, is that all this man's life is worth?
What about a serving soldier? He mostly hails from small areas or rural backgrounds with an uneducated wife and 2 children back in his village alone.Typical, but true. This man, who has time in the forward areas only to eat, sleep and watch the enemy, hardly sees his family. His entire salary is sent back home to his spouse, who faces the brunt of yet again uneducated parents-in-law ready to blame her for anything that happens to their son. In such a situation, a soldier's wife receiving the pitiful salary of her husband will be left an orphan in the middle of the road, simply for the lack of money.
Then, these war heroes, and martyrs are forgotten within minutes, no, wait, seconds of their death. No one forgets to come for the Republic Day parade ,or to place that wreath they didn't order on the grave of some memorial they don't know was built for what om Independence day. Just because it is protocol. Protocol to 'remember' (or forget?) these people on these 'days' meant for our nation, to 'remember' them for the 30 seconds it takes you to read patriotic forwards and messages in your in boxes on email and on your cellphone.

Like a 90-year old war veteran said, I guess it's the forces who are to be blamed. Right from the 3rd pay commission-who screwed up royally- the three forces have always put the pride of serving the nation over money. I guess it's their fault they didn't demand it then.
My father and I have been discussing this issue for a while now, and my blood boils, every single time I see our so-called Defence minister Mr.A.K.Antony defending his stupidity on a podium which he does not deserve. Have you for a minute stopped and thought about why you at home are able to enjoy your evening spent listening to your iPod, or watching a DVD on your 42-inch LCD? It is because you live in India, where the borders, threatened by invasion every second, are guarded constantly, by the watchful eyes of some 27-year old son of a mother who sits far away in a remote town, praying consciously every second for the safety of her son. If that guard decided to look away for even a minute, he would be dead, within seconds, and there would be an invasion leading to chaos everywhere. Soon, India would become a replicate Iraq, pandemonium prevailing,where you would need the permission of your invaders to even use the toilet, which under normal circumstances would be your birthright.
Sometimes it's scary, how something so simple and routine is linked to something so complex and out of hand. From all of you who saw these reports of the military's peaceful war against the government on television, some of you changed the channel since it didn't concern you, some saw the report and took it in as general knowledge, and some burnt rage over it for a few seconds. Those whose blood still boils, would be the ones who have actually some patriotism left in their blood.
Am I being too philosophical for a nineteen year old? Most of you might say yes, but I say, why not? You would too, if you saw the fire in the eyes of these people the way I do.
And what is it, with Mr.Antony's comment on discipline? I'm sorry Mr.Antony, but you politicians, who hit each other with chappals, and microphones, use unparliamentary language in the parliament, come half an hour late to a meeting, and do not know the words of the national anthem, are talking about discipline.Please, don't make me laugh.O r with the panel that is enquiring the pay commission having IAS officers in it!? Why don't we have a separate pay commission for the Military like most other countries do? Why do we have to put up with a cock-eyed system? Why does a DGP get paid almost twice as much as his equivalent in the forces? Why does the army have to replace the fire-brigade, police force and everyone else, when it is specifically mentioned that the forces are only for training during peace and attack during war. Why does the government involve the forces in flood relief , earthquake relief, tsunami relief, and more recently, rescuing of children fallen in pits? Then to put the cherry on the icing, you pay them in a pay scale adopted in 1948?
I have faced and will face a lot of criticism for my views.As some of my friends say, we do get good rations, accommodation and cheaper FMCGs and alcohol. Rations and accommodation -anyone in a decent government service gets that. Cheaper FMCGs- The least the government can do is to remove the taxes off the MRP of many products and make it available to the average soldier, who in return is willing to pay the price of his life for his nation. Cheap alcohol- yes, a bottle of rum is relatively cheaper. Why don't you spend one year of your life to replace a soldier in snowy altitudes, in nothing but a tent or in the blistering heat of the Thar with the only wind bringing sandstorms along with it or in the jungles of Nagaland with the leeches sucking your blood out and I'm sure ANY soldier you replace to give him precious time with his family will gladly give you all the rum he can ever get in his life, simply so you don't die of exhaustion and depression and actually live to tell your tale. Simply, so you can survive.
Let me remind you (non)patriotic souls, that the life of a person in the armed forces is one filled with dignity and pride, and I believe it should reflect in how much s/he is paid, for glamour and corruption rule the roost today, and that bias will take our country nowhere.
Hoping for the best to come for our brave men and women..

JAI HIND.
Vaishnavi Prasad
www.livetimefe.blogspot.com

Funny statements-Athiest

Thank God I'm an atheist.

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