Famous sexual quotes

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. "
-- Jack Nicholson

Funny statements-Impotence

Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

Really funny jokes-No profanity

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand . He said 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'

Short adult jokes-Lower sex drive

A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

Humor jokes-So sweet

"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky.
"Mmm hmm," replied Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Oh Dave," gushed Becky. "You say the most beautiful things!"

Children jokes-Downloaded

Short humor jokes-Spirits

Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain?
Because it dampens their spirits!

Blonde jokes-Capsule

Why did the blonde cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
To avoid side effects.

Funny pictures-Better listen to your wife....

Really funny jokes-Cold in winter

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of
the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed," the weather man Responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be
a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely, " The Man replied.
"It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy."
This is how stock markets work!!!

Office humor jokes-Banker

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

Short adult jokes-Electric trains

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Humor jokes-The Parrot from a Whorehouse

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00.
She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."
Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam".
"That's not so bad," she thought.
A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores."
Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either.
Later that evening, her husband Ray came home.
The parrot again spoke out...
This time it said, "Hi Ray!"
The woman met with a divorce attorney the next day.

Funny sign in Pet store

Sign in a Chinese Pet Store:
"Buy one dog, get one flea."

Really funny jokes-Using a hoe

A college co-ed finished her degree at a college in a small farming town in Oregon. Her fiance had another semester to go to finish his degree and then they planned to marry in the spring. So the young woman decided to get a job until her fiance finished school, but the only job she could find in the town was on a farm doing manual labour. Her duties consisted of grooming the fields and ridding the crops of adjacent weeds, in other words using a hoe. Then came the end of the semester, and her fiance graduated, so they decided to get on with the nuptials. They went to the courthouse and requested a marriage license.
The county clerk asked the usual questions like name, place of birth, occupation. The groom to be answered everything and, of course, gave his occupation as student as that was his most recent occupation. The bride to be answered everything until the clerk asked her occupation.
She thought about it a moment and then answered: "I'm a hoer."
The clerk looked at her to be husband and then her with a dumbfounded look on his face and then she spoke up: "Well, it's honest work."

Good jokes-Beer

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached across the counter and grabbed a bag of pretzel sticks and placed it with the beer, saying, "The curlers are on me."
Dear Lord:
Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. Amen.

Life-Suspended

In Ohio, a sixth-grade boy was suspended for three days for bringing the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue to school with him. That's how you punish a 13-year-old boy? Send him home for three days with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?!
Then what? Lock him in the bathroom?!

Short adult jokes-Abducted

Paris Hilton was recently abducted by aliens in a spacecraft.
Paris was returned to Earth after complaining, "You call that an anal probe?!"

Really funny jokes-Fix

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

Funny toons-Adult humor

Humor jokes-Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me image Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.'

Doctor jokes-Appendix

Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited.
“Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis” , he said.
The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. “I will come in the morning.”
The man protested, “But doctor, my wife is really serious.”
The doctor replied, “I took out your wife s appendix two years ago. She can not have another.”
The caller protested, “That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!”

Office humor jokes-Storewide paging

I worked for a while at Wal-Mart, selling sporting goods. Wal-Mart employees are sometimes required to make storewide pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter."
One night, a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the following message: "I have a customer by the balls in the toy department, and he needs help."
The store exploded with laughter!!

Children jokes-Time to pray

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, sir,' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'

Short adult jokes-Courage

Q: What is the ultimate definition of courage?
A: Two cannibals having oral sex.

Really funny jokes-Birth Announcement

A woman had just given birth. As soon as she recovered, the doctor came to speak to her. "Your baby is in good health, but there's something important I need to tell you ..."
The woman became worried, "What's the matter with my baby? Tell me please, what's wrong?"
There's nothing really wrong, but your baby is a little ... different. He's a hermaphrodite
"Hermaphrodite? ? What's that?"
"Well ... it means your baby is ... that he has ... all the equipment of a man ... and also that of a woman!"
The woman pales, "Oh my GOD!!! You mean he has a penis and a brain?"

Dirty jokes-Potatoes

Two Amish women were picking potatoes one autumn day. The first Amish woman had 2 potatoes in her hands. She looked at the other woman and said,
"These potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles", and the other woman said
"Are his testicles that big?",
"No" she commented, "They're that dirty".

Blonde jokes-Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Humor jokes-Life Insurance

Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked: "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."

Children jokes-Superman

At his request, each morning three-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel became a brilliant magic blue and red cape. And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class.
During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without pause.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a voice quite stern, said, "I will have to have your real name for the records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and patting a corner of frayed towel at his shoulder, answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."

Short adult jokes-Easy

EASY - A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Really funny jokes-In the age of high gas prices

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

Sarcastic jokes-For love

The world's financial situation at the moment is so bad that women are now marrying for love!

Humor pictures-Email

Short adult jokes-70 ways

Heard from a friend that there are 70 ways to keep a woman happy
One is to take her shopping.
The rest is 69.

Doctor jokes-First Visit

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician.
“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. One thousand rupees for the first visit, and one hundred rupees for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced, “I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”

Humor jokes-Leave wife at home

"I'll bet you have to think twice before you leave your wife alone at night." one man said to the other.
"I'll say." replied the second, "First, I have to think up a reason for going out. Second, I have to think up why she can't go with me."

Office jokes-Effects of financial meltdown

My broker called me this morning and said,
"Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 55?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108."

Short humor jokes-Formality

"I realize it's only a formality," the young man said, "but I want to ask for your daughter's hand."
"Where did you get the idea that this is just a formality?" the father asked.
"From our Lamaze instructor."

Really funny jokes-Spiritual!

Before performing a Baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife made appetizers last night and we have a caterer coming this morning with roast beef, fried chicken and potato salad."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually? "
"Sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of bourbon."

Life-Tax

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him til
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
To my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Blonde jokes-Buying a house

A southern blonde belle was looking to buy a house.
The seller said, "This house hasn't got a flaw in it!"
The southern belle replied, "My lands! What do y'all walk on?"

Short adult jokes-Fired

Q: Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
A: Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Really funny jokes-Season ticket

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over."

Funny statements-Redneck

Pardon me, but your red neck is showing!

Halloween humor-No candy!

Humor jokes-Move to New Orleans

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghani soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.
I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football ....... and sure enough the Saints go on to win the Super Bowl in Miami.
The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the Coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother back home.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"
"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"
"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts. "at this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house constantly, so she doesn't get assaulted!"
The old woman pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to New Orleans!"

The Life of Iranian President Ahmedinejad

The FoxNewsTV (USA) asked the Iranian President Ahmedinejad,

'When you look into the mirror in the morning what do you say to yourself'?
He answered: I see the person in the mirror and tell him 'Remember' you are no more than a small servant, ahead of you today is the heavy responsibility, and that is to serve the Iranian nation'.
Ahmedinejad, the Iranian President who astonished many when he first reached to the office of the Presidency by donating all the high valued Iranian carpets to one of the mosques in Tehran by replacing them with the low cost ordinary carpets. He observed that there was a huge extravagant lounge for receiving and welcoming the VIPs and he ordered it to be closed and asked the protocol office to arrange for an ordinary room only with wooden chairs.
On many instances he joins the cleaning staff of the municipality for cleaning the streets in the area where his home and the Presidency are located.
Under his authority whenever he appoints any minister to his post he gets a signed document from him with many points particularly highlighting that he shall remain poor and that his personal and his relatives accounts will be watched and the day he leaves the ministry shall be with dignity, and therefore it is not lawful for him or his relatives to take any advantage of his office. First of all he declared himself for all the 'Big' wealth and the property he owned was a Peugeot 504 car, model 1977, an old small house inherited from his father 40-years ago in one of the poorest zones in Tehran . His accounts with a zero balance and the only money comes in to his a/c was from his salary from the university as a lecturer with an amount of US$ 250 only.
For your information the President still lives in that same house. This is all what he owns; the president of one of the world's important countries; strategically, economically, politically and with regard to its oil and defense. He even doesn't take his personal salary with the argument that all the wealth belongs to the nation and he is the safeguard over it.
One of the things that impressed the staff at the presidency is the bag the President brings with him every day, which contains his breakfast; some sandwiches or bread with olive oil and cheese prepared by his wife and eats and enjoys it with all happiness.
One of the other things he changed was his personal carrier 'the President's Aircraft' to a cargo aircraft in order to save the spending from the public treasury and he ordered that he will be flying with the ordinary airline in the economy class..
He organizes meetings every now and then with all the ministers to know their activities and efficiency and he closed down the office of the Manager of the president and any minister can enter to his office without any permission. He also stopped the welcome ceremonies like the red carpet, the photo session or any personal advertisement or respect of any kind while visiting any place in the country.
Whenever he has to stay in any of the hotels he asks them to make sure not to give him a room with any big bed because he doesn't like to sleep on beds but rather likes to sleep on the floor on a simple mattress with a blanket.

Refer to some of the photographs which also confirm the above. The Iranian president is sleeping in the guest room of his house after getting away from his special guards who follow him wherever he goes and photo is taken by his small brother according to the Wifaq Newspaper which published this photo and the next day the photo was published in most of the world's newspapers and magazines and particularly the Americans. During the prayer you can see that he is not sitting in the first row.

Try comparing this with the emoluments and privileges our ministers get………

Doctor jokes-Don't be Nervous

This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife….”

Animal jokes-Cat Tags

Got a cat with an attitude? Put one of these tags around her neck!
"Purrrrfection Cannot Be Improved."
"If you don't like my attitude, you should see my owner."
"Take my advice. I'm not using it."
"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
"Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know."
"Dogs Have Owners. Cats Have Staff."
"As a house pet, I'm overqualified. "
"Personally, I don't believe felines are a fad. We're here to stay."

Short adult jokes-Witch

Q: How can you tell if a witch is horny?
A: Check out which end of the broomstick she's riding.

Really funny jokes-To get married

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a
wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that
his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively,
"I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a
wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?"
He answers, "Monica Lewinsky".
There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice boy you were dating last year?"

Office humor jokes-Attitude

A man seeking to join a border state Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.
The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six extremists, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

Children jokes-Pregnant

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

Really funny statements-World going crazy!

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon".
– Chris Rock

Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who:

- went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
- brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
- thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?
- thought that a sanitary belt was a shot from a clean whiskey glass?
- thought that intercourse was a state highway?

Sarcastic jokes-Good tax accountant

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Humor jokes-Judge & Defendant

Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course. You might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.

Short adult jokes-Bite

Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

Really funny jokes-Drunk!

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris,Tennessee.
After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fell into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off, though it was a fine, dry summer's night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no
evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
----

Humor pictures-Safe investments