Good jokes - Adult jokes
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Short adult jokes-Newly wed
A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a game at Yankee Stadium. They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the game.
After a couple of seconds of thought the young bride says, "I've got an idea, honey. You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you on the balls."
After a couple of seconds of thought the young bride says, "I've got an idea, honey. You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you on the balls."
Blonde jokes-Three fishermen
Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any,” replied the first fisherman.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second fisherman, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.”
And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb Fish Cop,” the fisherman, said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!”
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any,” replied the first fisherman.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second fisherman, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.”
And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb Fish Cop,” the fisherman, said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!”
Friday, May 29, 2009
Famous sexual quotes-Lied
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush
- Barbara Bush
Good jokes-Job benefits
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits.
The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Really funny jokes-People stranded on island
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English woman, 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman, 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman, 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman, 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman, 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman, 2 American men and 1 American woman. One month later, the following things have occurred....
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who called them both “bloody wankers” and is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
The American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinions and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is mproving. The two American men have committed suicide.
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who called them both “bloody wankers” and is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
The American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinions and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is mproving. The two American men have committed suicide.
Doctor jokes-Healer
Milka came out of Examination room of his Doctor and praised, "Your nurse there is really a great healer. She touched me and I can hear now."
Doctor Said, "Yes, We all heard the sound of slap on your face."
Doctor Said, "Yes, We all heard the sound of slap on your face."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Short adult jokes-Stroking
A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'
Life-Marine trainees
It was raining quite hard as Marine trainees assembled outdoors for a briefing. On a blackboard, the lieutenant instructor had prepared a detailed drawing of the tactics he wanted practiced.
"Don't think we're going to call this off just because of a little rain," he said.
Then he turned to the blackboard which had been washed clean.
"Don't think we're going to call this off just because of a little rain," he said.
Then he turned to the blackboard which had been washed clean.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sarcastic jokes-Buried at sea
This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea."
So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea.""
So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea.""
Good jokes-Improper speaking
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
Monday, May 25, 2009
Really funny jokes-Early
The judge was in the holiday spirit when he asked the prisoner, "And what are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "Just how early were you?"
The prisoner replied, "Before the store opened!"
"That's no offense," said the judge. "Just how early were you?"
The prisoner replied, "Before the store opened!"
Animal humor-Cat got your tongue
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen, 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'
'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects of my male anatomy. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor, butt naked, in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew.
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen, 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'
'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects of my male anatomy. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor, butt naked, in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Adult jokes-Gynecologist appointment
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
Good jokes-Karate class
Joe was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.
So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.
"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"
Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.
So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.
"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"
Friday, May 22, 2009
Children jokes-Be quiet in Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Ruben piped up, "They must be bored again Christians."
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Ruben piped up, "They must be bored again Christians."
Humor jokes-Captain Can't Swim
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it.
"Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?"
"No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
"Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?"
"No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Really funny jokes-What's good tonight
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?"
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
Life-What goes around
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help.
So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.
Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him.
Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps.
The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair.
She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude.
The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door.
She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard....
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around."
So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.
Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him.
Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps.
The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair.
She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude.
The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door.
She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard....
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Eight words with two meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male......Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn- ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.... .. Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Sarcastic jokes-Corgis
A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says,
"Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work."
And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?"
The guy says, "I take care of the corgis-you know, the dogs the royal family owns."
The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh?
The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren't too smart, either."
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Short adult jokes-Wish
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful young blonde woman passes them. She's 5'10", 120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines.
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!!"
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!!"
Good jokes-New Store
Two business men are sitting in their soon to be new store.
As of now the store is bare with just a few shelves.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now someone is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we are selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious fellow walks to the window, has a peak and asks, "What are ya sellin here boys?"
One of the men (being a smart ass) replies, "Oh we're selling ass holes here."
Without skipping a beat the fellow says, "Well I see you're doing really well, you've only got two left!"
As of now the store is bare with just a few shelves.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now someone is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we are selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious fellow walks to the window, has a peak and asks, "What are ya sellin here boys?"
One of the men (being a smart ass) replies, "Oh we're selling ass holes here."
Without skipping a beat the fellow says, "Well I see you're doing really well, you've only got two left!"
Monday, May 18, 2009
Blonde jokes-Bank robbery
The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter.
One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards.
"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a stick-up.... not an office party!"
One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards.
"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a stick-up.... not an office party!"
Really funny jokes-The ill fitting shoes
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.
He then announced, ".....These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. but, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked,
"....Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.
He then announced, ".....These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. but, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked,
"....Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Animal jokes-Mouse
A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful female giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together. The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.
The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"
The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."
The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"
The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"
Children jokes-Did Noah fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, ' Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?
''No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'
Friday, May 15, 2009
Short adult jokes-Waitress
The waitress was waiting about as patiently as could be expected while the guy was slowly going over the breakfast menu. Being a smart ass, he said to the other guys in the booth, and loud enough for her to overhear, "I usually never return to a restaurant unless one of the sausages I'm served with my eggs is a match in size for my own."
The waitress gave him a disgusted look and commented, "In that case, maybe you should be looking at the children's menu.
The waitress gave him a disgusted look and commented, "In that case, maybe you should be looking at the children's menu.
Really funny jokes-Policy
A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.
When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.
"I just hurt my toe," complained the man. "Why do I need to take off my clothes?"
"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress," explained the nurse politely. "It's our policy."
"Well, I think it's a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"
From the next room another man's voice piped up. . . "That's nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!"
When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.
"I just hurt my toe," complained the man. "Why do I need to take off my clothes?"
"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress," explained the nurse politely. "It's our policy."
"Well, I think it's a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"
From the next room another man's voice piped up. . . "That's nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!"
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sarcastic jokes-Husband & Wife
Husband: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.
Blonde jokes-Baseball
The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat.
After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!" She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice - with no success. Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again.
After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started she decided to wait. Just as she got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Linda!" Again she tried to find the voice and got out of line as she wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. She was very upset as she got back in line for her beer.
Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more. Furious, she stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs, MY NAME IS'NT LINDA !!!!!
After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!" She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice - with no success. Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again.
After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started she decided to wait. Just as she got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Linda!" Again she tried to find the voice and got out of line as she wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. She was very upset as she got back in line for her beer.
Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more. Furious, she stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs, MY NAME IS'NT LINDA !!!!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Really funny jokes-New boyfriend
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern.
"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Classic jokes-Hokey Pokey
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in
... and then the trouble started.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in
... and then the trouble started.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Short adult jokes-Busybody spinster
A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a can of beer when a busybody spinster from down the street began to berate him for his appearance. "What a disgusting sight," she said. "If that belly was on a woman, I'd swear she was pregnant."
To which the man smiled and replied, "Madam, it was and she is."
To which the man smiled and replied, "Madam, it was and she is."
Good jokes-Living with husband
Rosey and Nina were sitting together sharing their morning coffee.
Rosey said to Nina, "Living with my husband is like playing checkers."
"How so?" asks Nina.
Rosey replies, "Every time I make a move, he jumps me."
Monday, May 11, 2009
Marriage jokes-Best man's speech
A friend of mine from college got married, and his best man said in his speech:
'Finally John has found someone with low enough self-esteem to marry him.'"
Adult jokes-Double dose of Viagra
A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't prescribe him a double dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.
"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,' said the man.
' Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose.'
The doctor finally relented saying, 'Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there were any side effects.'
On Monday, the man dragged himself in, his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked,
'What happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up!"
'Why not?' asked the man.
"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,' said the man.
' Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose.'
The doctor finally relented saying, 'Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there were any side effects.'
On Monday, the man dragged himself in, his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked,
'What happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up!"
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Really funny jokes-Dinner party
At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children."
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable. "
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable! "
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable. "
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable! "
Children jokes-Childbirth
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Friday, May 08, 2009
Blonde jokes-Mental deficiency
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease.
“Doctor, would you mind telling me,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?” asked the hostess.
“Well, you might ask, Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?” the doctor replied.
The blonde thought for a moment, then said, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I’ve never known very much about history!”
“Doctor, would you mind telling me,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?” asked the hostess.
“Well, you might ask, Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?” the doctor replied.
The blonde thought for a moment, then said, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I’ve never known very much about history!”
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Short adult jokes-An hour of pleasure
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
Doctors' opinion
Now, this sums it up very well. Doctors have their opinions about the pending bailout.
- The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
- The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
- The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, and the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some a**holes in Washington.
- The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
- The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
- The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, and the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some a**holes in Washington.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Really funny jokes-Pastor
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Celebrity humor-Stupid quotes
If you ever feel a little bit stupid just dig this up and read it again. you'll begin to think you're a genius.
'Smoking kills. If you're killed you've lost a very important part of your life'
- Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
'Smoking kills. If you're killed you've lost a very important part of your life'
- Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
Short adult jokes-Trick or Treat
Ten Ways Trick-Or-Treating is Better than Sex:
10. You'll always get a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can just wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
7. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.
6. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
5. Years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. It doesn't matter if the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else. That's the whole point!
3. You won't have that guilt the morning after.
2. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood!
9. If you get tired, you can just wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
7. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.
6. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
5. Years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. It doesn't matter if the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else. That's the whole point!
3. You won't have that guilt the morning after.
2. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood!
Monday, May 04, 2009
Another 10 signs you may have Swine Flu
1. Tears flow from your small eyes during a nightly bedtime reading of Three Little Pigs
2. A small curly tail is growing at the top of your tailbone
3. When called to dinner, you head directly to the trough in the backyard
4. Your thumbs and big toes are missing
5. You apply mud instead of suntan lotion on a sunny day
6. You develop a liking for truffles
7. At each meal you literally lick your plate clean
8. You emit short snorts between sentences
9. When friends visit you, they remark, "Man, this place is a pigsty!"
10.Fever accompanied by the smell of bacon
15 Signs you may have Swine Flu
1. An uncontrollable urge to build homes out of straw.
2. An unexplained need to whistle, "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf".
3. The feeling you just saw a relative being tossed down the field at an NFL game.
4. You now consider pork rinds disgusting and cannibalistic.
5. You find that "Charlotte's Web", is not sad, but rather a story of redemption, hope, and salvation.
6. You now consider "spiral cut ham" cruel and unusual punishment.
7. You begin ordering BLTs with just the L and the T.
8. You find yourself at night prostrate on your dining room table with fruit in your mouth.
9. When you hear the term, "pickled pigs feet" you get the sudden urge to go shoe shopping.
10.Hearing Don Ho at a luau gives you hot flashes.
11. Being covered in honey is no longer kinky, but rather worrisome.
12. When someone calls you "fat pig" you expect a blue ribbon.
13. Miss Piggy is all you fantasize about.
14. You think Piggly Wiggly is haute couture and not a grocery store.
15. Mud baths become a daily necessity and are no longer considered pampering.
2. An unexplained need to whistle, "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf".
3. The feeling you just saw a relative being tossed down the field at an NFL game.
4. You now consider pork rinds disgusting and cannibalistic.
5. You find that "Charlotte's Web", is not sad, but rather a story of redemption, hope, and salvation.
6. You now consider "spiral cut ham" cruel and unusual punishment.
7. You begin ordering BLTs with just the L and the T.
8. You find yourself at night prostrate on your dining room table with fruit in your mouth.
9. When you hear the term, "pickled pigs feet" you get the sudden urge to go shoe shopping.
10.Hearing Don Ho at a luau gives you hot flashes.
11. Being covered in honey is no longer kinky, but rather worrisome.
12. When someone calls you "fat pig" you expect a blue ribbon.
13. Miss Piggy is all you fantasize about.
14. You think Piggly Wiggly is haute couture and not a grocery store.
15. Mud baths become a daily necessity and are no longer considered pampering.
Really funny jokes-Shoplifter
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front, near the cash registers, when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away.
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than nine items."
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than nine items."
Humor jokes-God & Angel
God: "Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth!"
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Short adult jokes-Words & meanings
EYE CONTACT - A method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND - A person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING - A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
FRIEND - A person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING - A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
Senior humor
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Adult jokes-Still get horny
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
Good jokes-Hidden Cameras
Billy Bob caught his friend Bubba searching high and low all around his living room.
Billy Bob said, "What are you searching for?" Bubba replies, "Hidden cameras!" "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" says Billy Bob.
Bubba said, "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every few minutes he says, 'You are watching MTV!' How does he know that?"
Billy Bob said, "What are you searching for?" Bubba replies, "Hidden cameras!" "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" says Billy Bob.
Bubba said, "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every few minutes he says, 'You are watching MTV!' How does he know that?"
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